Long time no blog...

Wow, I completely forgot about this. Not that it matters because I'm pretty sure no one reads this thing. Good lord did I do a lot of ranting before. I guess that's what blogs are for though. So school...it really sucks. I like how I got all A's last semester and this semester I'm practically retarded. The upside is I have some really kool people in my classes. I've never really found anyone at this school that was someone I could be good friends with. I mean I have friends at school of course but most of them I already knew or I hate to say this...not really someone I wanted to be friends with. Sometimes you meet clingy people and you just end up hanging out. It sounds bad but you all know what I'm talking about. Don't deny it. School aside, I have a job now! Yup, I got a job. Not the one I remeber mentioning an interview about but it's a better job in that it pays more. The thing is, I only like it some of the time. I guess that's why its a job. If it was something I loved it would be my career but I haven't completely pinned down what I want that to be yet. I'm leaning toward psychology but the fact that I would have to take all those sciences because psychiatrists are in fact doctors, so that means beaucoups of science, I don't look forward to that. I'm taking biology now and sucking at it majorly. It makes me feel a little bit discouraged. Oh wells...There's always being a linguist or my dream job...a concert goer haha. I wish I could get paid to goto concerts. Any hope of a career in that field is on the way out unless someone can get the old school record label execs. to pull their heads out of their asses. Good luck with that. Also that guy I was whining about we hung out, it was fun but of course he doesn't feel the same about me. That's the story of my life you see, unrequited love and all. Ha, though I would hardly call that love. It was mild like and major lust. Okay the lust part is still there because it has to be said that he is hot. At least I think he's hot. But he's no Gabe Saporta. Oh yes, Mr. Saporta is the real man of my dreams lol The best friend well, I still can't call her that by my definition of it but we're working on it. Relationships are hard, ya know? Most people don't know what they want or how they feel so to have to try and figure that out about someone else, it's a task to say the least. Well it's time for some sweet dreaming. Today the postcards aren't from a plane crash. They're from cloud...4. Yeah because I'm not on cloud 9 but I'm in a pretty good place. Goodnight.

Only time will tell

So I guess I over reacted yesterday. My friend wasn't ignoring me, he was just busy. I can understand that now but before I just let my emotions get the best of me and could only think that he must be avoiding me, that he only said he wanted to see me because he knew he wouldn't have to. I need to work on my whole self esteem issues in that area. I mean he said he wanted to hang out so why wouldn't it be that there was a good reason that we didn't. He was really sweet about it too and seemed genuinely sorry that we couldn't see each other. I think I just worried so much b/c I'm starting to like him a lot and that scares me. I just want him to like me too. It's stupid to worry about this stuff now because I'm not going to be able to see him for a long time. I don't know why I had to start liking him now but it's really bad timing. I guess I'll just hope for the best and see where it goes. I remember liking him in high school for a little while too...maybe that's why it seems like I like him already now. Maybe those feeling never left completely and I just brought them to the surface. This whole online flirtation thing is never good. Things can be taken out of context online and stuff you wouldn't normally say, you do. Maybe I don't even like him at all? Hmm...only time will tell I suppose.

Why can't boys just say what they mean

Everything is always a guessing game. Did he mean that the way I think he did? It's hard to say. I'm starting to think I just can't interpret things right. No, scratch that, boys just need to be more direct. How come when you were on the other side of the country you were all about us hanging out and how it sucked that we couldn't and now you're here and I haven't heard anything from you. I just thought I would maybe get a call or a message, something. You didn't even tell me you were coming. I had to find out from your facebook. That hurts my feelings because I thought we might have something. It's not like I don't know you, so the fact that we talked online and might feel more doesn't seem so crazy to me. I guess I just forget that there are no girls around there for you to flirt with and maybe I don't mean anything I'm just a girl for you to flirt with because there aren't any worth it around. Now that I'm around, I'm the one thats not worth it. You gotta love that feeling.

I don't know who to be...
I'm stuck in the in between
Not sure where I want to go
Get out now or take it slow

Nothing feels right anymore
and I don't know what to do
They always tell you to be yourself,
just be you...

I think I lost myself along the way
then again, maybe I was never anyone
to begin with

this could be the end

You know that friend i've been whining about...well she finally texted me tonight wanting to hang out. I was with one of her exes the guy i've been friends with forever and well b4 they dated. She just out of the blue wanted me to come over and hang out and i couldnt help but get peeved over it. I was going to try and hang out with her but she can't not be with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend she claims to love now but when she first started dating him said it was just to be dating someone and she didnt have feelings for him. this whole situation just upsets me because this isnt who she was, i dont know her anymore at all and she says she doesnt know me. how can you just lose everything in the blink of an eye? I just wish i didnt care b/c it seems like she doesnt. She also made some comment about how she can at least take a chance on love...well how can i be expected to take a chance on love when i cant even tust the people who are my friends. In case anyone is wondering, a guy friend is no substitute for a girl friend. they have no idea what to say...it sucks.

get busy living or get busy dying

So, I didn't have my interview Friday b/c the girl that was supposed to do it forget that she wouldn't be there @ 2 when I was supposed to have it. We rescheduled it for t/m...or should i say today. Either way you wanna say it, I hope I do well and get this job b/c I REALLY need it. I went to see Friday the 13th on...Friday the 13th of course...there's really no other way to do that. All the kool ppl do lol It was actually pretty good! I was really suprised because for the longest time I haven't been able to find a scary movie that can actually scare me. This one had a few parts that actually made me jump, it was great. It was funny too b/c I had a guy friend with me and that stuff was startling him too. I was like wow good thing I'm not one of those ppl that needs "protecting," so to speak, in a movie like that lol On V-day or as us single ppl refer to it, single awareness day, My mom gave me some presents b/c she is kool like that lol and we went shopping like ALL day...then i went out to eat chinese food with some friends at wild wok and it was really good. We also rented a movie and played wii. It wasn't too bad and i had fun so that goes to show that u don't need a "significant other" to have a good valentines day. Although I didnt have as much fun as my other friend who hung out and danced around to loud music, watched some boys strip down to their boxers and then do body shots lol I don't think I would be too interested in doing the body shots though...from what i've seen u usually drink some sort of alcohol out of someones belly button and that just seems kinda, really gross to me...today...i have not really done anything. I slept til 12 noon...watched 2 episodes of monk, played raquetball, watched more tv, read a book (confessions of a shopaholic, not too bad) and now i'm on the computer. I was gonna goto the movies but the friend I wanted to take had to work poo poo on that. now i am procrastinating getting into the shower and going to bed. I really need to b/c I have school and that interview t/m. I don't know what happened either...I was doing so well not missing any school and doing all my school work and now I just don't feel like going anymore. I have to though. I refuse to flunk out b/c i'm lazy. I don't want to miss too much either. What's really pissing me off though...I took a test in social psych OVER a week ago and the stupid teacher hasnt graded it yet or has just failed to post the grades...hello, we want to know this stuff, its kind of important. On another note...my "best friend" is still an idiot, i case anyone is wondering. I think i have demoted her...if you go by quality of friendship as of late, amount of time spent together and how much we talk and the friend checks in just to say hey, my best friend is this guy I call petey lol (thats not his real name, i nick named him that :-P) I've known the kid for like 9 or 10 yrs (something crazy like that)...we havent always been close off and on. He listens to me rant like a best friend should and doesnt mind just hangin out and talking. we play video games, goto the movies, stay up til ridiculous hours and are always texting or IMing. thats how best friends should act. Best friends do not ignore you, pretend to have phone problems as an excuse to why they ignore you, be stuck up their boyfriends ass and...can u guess? ignore you!, never goto the movies with you, never call, never IM, never come over, only send you texts that are fwds and ironically claim how u are their best friend and u should forward the message back to them. the latest was really laughable, something like...if i had to choose b/t taking my last breath and sayin i love you, i would say i love you b/c u are my best friend...send this to all ur friends you never wanna lose or some bull like that...I was like oh...thanks but could u maybe use some of ur breaths now to say hey once in a while?

I guess i'm off to get ready for bed. good night ppl!

from the land of hope and excitement

Today...was a good day. For one, I didn't goto school. I was going to and then I didnt wake up in time to get ready. I had a job interview today and needed to make sure I was all nice and clean for that so I couldn't just goto school in comfy clothes. I just chilled for the morning and watched tv then I went to my interview. GAH, I was so0o nervous, it was ridiculous. It turned out that I didn't even do the interview part today. I did the testing part and did REALLY well. I got 47 wpm typing and they only require 20. I also got a 93 on the other part of the test(only missed 2). Now I have another interview Friday at 2 and I hope, hope, hope that I get this job. I need it so0o bad. Another good thing, I went to the movies today and saw Push. It was awesome. I loved it but hated the end b/c I have to wait for the next one, assuming they make a next one to figure out what happens.

wish me luck for Friday!